So beautiful. And I relate perfectly. I too have an insatiable need to talk and communicate my thoughts.
I’m making massive changes in my life so I can get back to something more simple where I can prioritize my family again. And my sanity.
I seem to have lost my way the past few years after joining a family business and accidentally finding myself the GM. It is not the right thing for my own family. For a year I’ve tried to set things straight so I could feel comfortable leaving. I’ve realized it’ll never all be straight. I have to just jump into the unknown. I don’t know what’s going to happen and I don’t know how long it’ll be before it’s ‘ok’ again. I am anxious. I feel deeply uncomfortable headed back into the homemaker life I had for 25 years before going to work. I desperately want that life again but it’s different now, because I am different now…
But, it’s happening. And God will show Himself all along the way.
Gosh. So many times as I read, absorb really, your words— they are salve to my soul. You’re my older sister, 10 years my senior in life and I’ve learned so much from you, friend. How you walk with the Father, express words as authentic as they come, and share your world with me. The Lord has been so kind. Thank you, Jess. You’re truly a gift. -Ashleigh
Your words are definitely a gift from our Creator. I think your writing likely appeals to women more so than men, but here's one man who absolutely loves to read whatever you write, proverbial underwear and all. May God continue to bless you. That, in turn, blesses us! 🙂🙏
"I'm not searching for happiness. I'm searching for peace." Shi Heng Yi, a popular thought leader on Shaolin, runs a Shaolin temple in Germany
This reminds me of trees. For a younger trees, it's grow, grow, fast, fast. The shade of the bigger trees say, "Slow down, kid." Indeed, slower growth is stronger (not that trees like cottonwoods care--I have a special place in my heart for cottonwoods.) Then comes a transition: old trees fall, a spot of sun opens for the young tree. Grow, grow, fast, fast changes. "Be here," she hums. Be here.
Someday and not yet she will be a grandmother tree, so wide our hugs cannot contain her. Then she will tell the younglings, "Slow down. Stay strong."
And the younglings will still leap up with all the energy of new life. And all would be exactly as it should.
You had me giggling to your reaction to your old neighbor’s underwear on the clothesline. What a perfect segue to your essay. You are on the right track to being a beautiful human. Experience is the best teacher, what you think is so important in your 20s, fades away an over the decades that follow and you come into your true self. We continue to bloom if we let ourselves.
"I have tucked all the pain of my soul into soil, and the garden has never been lovlier." ❤️❤️❤️ The Lord is faithful and He creates beauty from ashes. I think that maybe as we get older and gain more wisdom, we still say a lot, but we just don't use as many words to say it. Your family, farm, marriage, food, garden, businesses, and even your animals speak volumes for you.
What a beautiful post, and you’ve put your finger on something I’ve been experiencing for years now. I thought it was grief, or brain fog, or depression or just “losing my mojo,” but that’s never been a satisfying or complete explanation. Perhaps it’s the realization that life is messy and mysterious and glorious and time is short, and I want to spend it living and feeling and doing and being, not standing back and analyzing or organizing it all. Even my journal is quiet these days. And it’s not writer’s block! Maybe this is why I’m enjoying sketching so much. Because it’s being with a thing or place and really seeing it.
Thank you for this. It's so beautifully written and deeply resonates. 🤍 I think it is where God's wise and peaceful spirit is leading us lately. Sometimes less is more isn't it. (Especially for those of us who have always chosen more.) And I guess probably a natural part of the awakening and perspective that we hopefully gain with middle age.
This year I really feel I am integrating the part of me that's been desperately striving at breakneck speed for control and approval my whole life, and the part that's been hitting the breaks and rebelling against the pressure of other's (and my own) expectations and judgements. (Although for all the burned effort and energy I've put in, it hasn't gotten me very far, whereas you seem to have been more successful.)
It's so healing to have permission to slow down and honor the raw and precious mess of being human. It feels like an outpouring of the realest love. To be seen and really see ourselves with all the love and patience that God does.
Thank you for shining this warm and gentle light so brightly.
Those last sentences: "This whole time, I thought living in a glass house meant offering a worthy display, but here in the quiet, I’m thinking maybe not so much.
Maybe it just means living the kind of life that doesn’t come with instruction but grants all the permission and empowerment someone else needs to live theirs too."
Oh your girlhood sounds like my granddaughter Stella who loves to be with adults just chatting away. Always a beautiful share, my friend. Yes, the authentic self always needing to be stepped into.
I love how you share your day to day life with the rest of us. There is a joy and contentment in just seeing what you do and how you love your family that brings peace in a time when the rest of the world is off its hinges. Thank you
So beautiful. And I relate perfectly. I too have an insatiable need to talk and communicate my thoughts.
I’m making massive changes in my life so I can get back to something more simple where I can prioritize my family again. And my sanity.
I seem to have lost my way the past few years after joining a family business and accidentally finding myself the GM. It is not the right thing for my own family. For a year I’ve tried to set things straight so I could feel comfortable leaving. I’ve realized it’ll never all be straight. I have to just jump into the unknown. I don’t know what’s going to happen and I don’t know how long it’ll be before it’s ‘ok’ again. I am anxious. I feel deeply uncomfortable headed back into the homemaker life I had for 25 years before going to work. I desperately want that life again but it’s different now, because I am different now…
But, it’s happening. And God will show Himself all along the way.
Gosh. So many times as I read, absorb really, your words— they are salve to my soul. You’re my older sister, 10 years my senior in life and I’ve learned so much from you, friend. How you walk with the Father, express words as authentic as they come, and share your world with me. The Lord has been so kind. Thank you, Jess. You’re truly a gift. -Ashleigh
Your words are definitely a gift from our Creator. I think your writing likely appeals to women more so than men, but here's one man who absolutely loves to read whatever you write, proverbial underwear and all. May God continue to bless you. That, in turn, blesses us! 🙂🙏
"I'm not searching for happiness. I'm searching for peace." Shi Heng Yi, a popular thought leader on Shaolin, runs a Shaolin temple in Germany
This reminds me of trees. For a younger trees, it's grow, grow, fast, fast. The shade of the bigger trees say, "Slow down, kid." Indeed, slower growth is stronger (not that trees like cottonwoods care--I have a special place in my heart for cottonwoods.) Then comes a transition: old trees fall, a spot of sun opens for the young tree. Grow, grow, fast, fast changes. "Be here," she hums. Be here.
Someday and not yet she will be a grandmother tree, so wide our hugs cannot contain her. Then she will tell the younglings, "Slow down. Stay strong."
And the younglings will still leap up with all the energy of new life. And all would be exactly as it should.
You had me giggling to your reaction to your old neighbor’s underwear on the clothesline. What a perfect segue to your essay. You are on the right track to being a beautiful human. Experience is the best teacher, what you think is so important in your 20s, fades away an over the decades that follow and you come into your true self. We continue to bloom if we let ourselves.
"I have tucked all the pain of my soul into soil, and the garden has never been lovlier." ❤️❤️❤️ The Lord is faithful and He creates beauty from ashes. I think that maybe as we get older and gain more wisdom, we still say a lot, but we just don't use as many words to say it. Your family, farm, marriage, food, garden, businesses, and even your animals speak volumes for you.
What a beautiful post, and you’ve put your finger on something I’ve been experiencing for years now. I thought it was grief, or brain fog, or depression or just “losing my mojo,” but that’s never been a satisfying or complete explanation. Perhaps it’s the realization that life is messy and mysterious and glorious and time is short, and I want to spend it living and feeling and doing and being, not standing back and analyzing or organizing it all. Even my journal is quiet these days. And it’s not writer’s block! Maybe this is why I’m enjoying sketching so much. Because it’s being with a thing or place and really seeing it.
I would love to see what you are sketching
That is so kind, Coni. Sometimes I post sketches on Notes and I wrote this a while back: https://ashadornfest.substack.com/p/you-too-can-be-an-urban-sketcher?r=2jgs4&utm_medium=ios
For me, this is the most beautiful passage you've ever written, Jess.
Yeah, my relationship with words (and, I suspect, their's with me) have changed over the years. Who knew?
Morning Jess😊
Your thoughts always stir the pot.
After going thru some difficult losses a few years back , I’ve pretty much shut down. Just in “ doing “ mode.
This spring brought me back.
I’ve been cogitating on how we cope with our imperfect solutions .
It’s come to an understanding that we ARE human. Finding the grace to realize that most of us do the best we know how to do in difficult times.
Perhaps that’s the word …Grace.
Both as a way of dealing with things and in the Spiritual sense.
.
Thank you for this. It's so beautifully written and deeply resonates. 🤍 I think it is where God's wise and peaceful spirit is leading us lately. Sometimes less is more isn't it. (Especially for those of us who have always chosen more.) And I guess probably a natural part of the awakening and perspective that we hopefully gain with middle age.
This year I really feel I am integrating the part of me that's been desperately striving at breakneck speed for control and approval my whole life, and the part that's been hitting the breaks and rebelling against the pressure of other's (and my own) expectations and judgements. (Although for all the burned effort and energy I've put in, it hasn't gotten me very far, whereas you seem to have been more successful.)
It's so healing to have permission to slow down and honor the raw and precious mess of being human. It feels like an outpouring of the realest love. To be seen and really see ourselves with all the love and patience that God does.
Thank you for shining this warm and gentle light so brightly.
Those last sentences: "This whole time, I thought living in a glass house meant offering a worthy display, but here in the quiet, I’m thinking maybe not so much.
Maybe it just means living the kind of life that doesn’t come with instruction but grants all the permission and empowerment someone else needs to live theirs too."
*Chef's kiss*
Oh your girlhood sounds like my granddaughter Stella who loves to be with adults just chatting away. Always a beautiful share, my friend. Yes, the authentic self always needing to be stepped into.
Thoughtful, honest, and beautifully composed. Thank you for sharing your inner world!
It is nice to observe you in a place if peace and watch you enjoying life to the fullest as you once did.
Remain content in this season and full of God’s Joy as you live in His presence. Jesus #1,, Roel
I love how you share your day to day life with the rest of us. There is a joy and contentment in just seeing what you do and how you love your family that brings peace in a time when the rest of the world is off its hinges. Thank you